Around the world, sophisticated couples are discovering the joys of the dinner party ... and encountering a series of difficult dilemmas. How do you set a table with wine-tasting glasses? What should you bring when you are invited to dine? Roberta Mascheroni, an expert on good manners, reveals the rules that govern dining and entertaining, clearing up the knotty issues that cause most embarrassment and uncertainty.
Over the last five years, the country that invented etiquette has rediscovered manners. Italy, home to Castiglione's The Coutier, has been reconverted to formality by the Ii Galatea a test of the Milanese aristocrat Roberta Mascheroni who teaches at La Scuola delia Cucina Italiana, in Milan, Italy (online@cucinait.com). Her advice ranges to areas of life unknown to a Renaissance courtier like Baldassare Castiglione (he never wrote an email), but it focuses on Masheroni's special passion - the conventions of elegant dining.
Dining, because it offers such clear opportunities for embarrassing gaffes is one area she feels we all have much to learn about. "The essence of good manners," she says, "is genuinely wanting to put the other person at ease. They are just a way of putting into practice the Christian principle of treating other people as you would like them to treat you." At a formal meal, however, good intentions are not enough. The best way to make a good impression is to know the rules. Take the present you bring your host. A nice bottle of wine? Absolutely not. "This is one example of where a lot of people go wrong. It is not good manners to bring a bottle of wine. Obviously, your hostess will have organised a meal and chosen a wine that perfectly accompanies the dishes. But if you bring wine she will feel that she should open it. If you know the rules, it is easier. If you really have to bring wine, always bring two bottles and clearly say, "for another occasion". If you are a hostess and a guest brings wine or a dessert, you must do the same. Thank your guest and tell them that you will enjoy it together at another time."
There is also a sophisticated protocol for setting the table. As fashionable couples across Europe inc
reasingly entertain their friends at dinner parties, it is one of the areas where Roberta Mascheroni finds she is most often asked for advice. She has also been forced to extend the conventions of established guides as changes in dining present new quandaries.
For instance, one fundamental convention for a place setting is that the knives are on the left and the forks on the right of the plate. They are positioned in order of use, starting from the outer edge, with the knife blades pointing towards the plate and the forks' prongs (unless you are in France or in the house of a francophile Piedmont aristocrat) curving upwards.
But what about the fork for spaghetti? "There is one particular issue that creates a lot of uncertainty. If you serve pasta, where do you put the fork? Now a lot of people, reading the traditional style guides will read that all the forks go on the left, so they will put it on the left. In fact, the reason for putting forks on the left is simply because you use them with your left hand. But a fork for spaghetti (and you should only set a fork - if your guest wants a spoon as well, he can ask) is held in your right hand. Put it on the right. And the same goes for a spoon for minestrone.
The current trend for wine tasting presents a further complication. "The convention for glasses is that they should be in a diagonal line above the plate to the right. The order from left to right is water, red wine then white wine. Some people will say that the centre of the red wine glass should be in a line with the principal fork. If you have a fourth glass for dessert wine (and never set a table with more than four glasses), then it goes above the red wine, which moves slightly out of line with the water and white wine to give it room."
These rules, however, cannot be applied when the meal involves wine tasting. "The appropriate glasses for wine tasting are far too big to be put in the traditional position. If you are going to
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