UNITED STATES, Jul 27 — The key to success with children is teaching them good values that they can take with them for the rest of their lives. Values that will help them excel more at school and even work later in life. And in today’s fast-paced lifestyle one of the most valuable lessons for them to learn is the value of patience and self-control.
You can see how easy it can be to teach your children how to excel
T
he key to success with children is teaching them good values that they can take with them for the rest of their lives. Values that will help them excel more at school and even work later in life. And in today’s fast-paced lifestyle one of the most valuable lessons for them to learn is the value of patience and self-control. Showing your children how to wait for things and not get everything “NOW” can go a long way for teaching them life lessons.
A great example of this can be found in Dr. David Schapira’s book, Fetus to Fifth Grade. In the book he recounts an experiment done at Stanford University by psychologist Walter Mischel. Mischel published a study on children at the preschool on the Stanford University campus. He sat them down with a marshmallow.
They were told that the research assistant had to leave for a few minutes (approximately 20 minutes) but if they did not eat the marshmallow during that time they would be rewarded with another marshmallow. Some of the children ate the marshmallow, but some did not and forced themselves to wait by thinking of other distractions, talking to themselves, playing games with their hands or trying to fall asleep. He then followed all of the children for a long period of time afterwards. When evaluated later as teenagers, those children who resisted eating the marshmallow and exhibited delayed gratification were:
1. Still much better able to wait for rewards
2. Higher achievers and self-assertive and competent
3. Better socially adjusted and emotionally adjusted
4. Got into much less trouble
5. Happier and better able to cope with the frustrations of life
6. Less likely to go to pieces under stress
7. Performed much better academically and scored higher on their SAT exams
Those children who were the quickest to grab the marshmallows (one-third of all the children) scored an average 524 on the verbal section and 528 on the mathematics section of the SAT for a total of 1052. The third of the children who waited the longest scored 610 on the verbal section and 652 on the mathematics section for a total of 1262.
When evaluated later in life, the third of the children who were the quickest to grab the marshmallow were found to:
1. Shy away from social contacts
2. Be stubborn and indecisive
3. Be easily upset by frustrations
4. Think of themselves as bad or unworthy
5. Prone to jealousy and envy
6. Overreact with a short temper leading to fights
Mischel’s experiment dramatically illustrates the differences in outcome in life for children that have internal structure and have learned how to delay gratification. These important character traits make the difference between having a successful, satisfying life or not.
Additionally, two studies from universities in Pennsylvania show that self-discipline, the ability to self-regulate, are more important than I.Q. or intelligence for early academic success for 3 to 5 years old and for eighth graders. Psychologist Clancy Blair from Pennsylvania State University studied 3 – 5 year-old preschoolers and discovered that the best predictor of performance in math and reading in kindergarten was the child’s capacity for self-control. A child’s ability to monitor their thinking and behavior develops rapidly during preschool. Activities at school and at home that decrease impulsiveness and instant gratification and promote attention and awareness of one’s own and other’s thoughts and feelings (empathy) are needed.
It is also important to realize that as children get older, self-control is still more important than I.Q. Psychologists Angela Duckworth at the University of Pennsylvania and Martin Seligman evaluated 300 eighth graders. They gave the students, their teachers and their parents a questionnaire about the student’s ability to control impulses and follow rules. They also gave the children a questionnaire and behavior test to assess their willingness to delay gratification. Self-control was a stronger predictor of final grades, school attendance and work habits than IQ was. Also the higher the level of self-control the students exhibited, the better the outcomes.
Following are some tips to help teach your children more self-control:
Activities for preschoolers that promote self-control involve taking turns, paying attention for sustained periods of time and giving incentives for thoughtful responses.
Use “time-outs” for misbehavior. A “time-out” slows everything down, giving your infant or toddler time to regulate themselves through self-talk before acting on emotion or irrationally. A reasonable period of time is a minute for every year of age. Most importantly, talk to your child after the time out. Discuss what was going on, what the child was feeling and why the misbehavior happened.
The more you talk to your child the sooner he will learn to talk and the more extensive his vocabulary will be. Boys lag behind girls in verbal skills and self-talking, which is important for impulse control. Problems with self-control, impulsive behavior and attention deficit are much more common in boys.
You can see how easy it can be to teach your children how to excel. For additional assistance, check out Fetus to Fifth Grade for all your pregnancy and Parenting advice needs.
References
Fetus to Fifth Grade http://tinyurl.com/4tk6rgu takes you from pregnancy to those critical first few years. The author, Dr. Schapira is an internationally recognized physician and researcher and has been featured in the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, USA Today, CNN, NBC Nightly News and The Today Show. Email Diana@virtualwordpublishing.com for an interview or to do a review. Article is free to be reprinted as long as bio remains.
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