by Francis David,
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UNITED STATES, Jan 15 — They Come In All Shapes and Sizes
Most of the bullies are the children we love and care for. But they sometimes misbehave at school like they do at home. It is important for a target to differentiate between kids who enjoy bullying, mean kids who don’t care, and careless children who don’t realize their behaviors are harmful. They:
• believe their actions are non-toxic
• may or may not have empathy for others’ feelings
• are bored, looking for action or entertainment (like reality television)
• have a strong need to compete, win or dominate others
• react to a perceived insult, dispute or broken friendship
• view bullying as a way to climb the status ladder (especially true of ex-targets)
Most of the bullies are the children we love and care for. But they sometimes misbehave at school like they do at home. It is important for a target to differentiate between kids who enjoy bullying, mean kids who don’t care, and careless children who don’t realize their behaviors are harmful. Once confronted, the latter are often surprised and ashamed. Thus the target needs to understand that not all bullies are the same. He also needs to understand his role in allowing this game to continue.
2. the non-malicious, or ‘the fowl that plays foul’.
1. The salt water crocodile
The saltwater crocodile is extremely dangerous and cannot be trusted. If you get caught, then try to escape or fight back, you become history. This malicious bully at school is a sociopath or a psychopath in training. However, if you pretend to be lifeless, the crocodile has been known to lose interest and release people who play dead. Fortunately, only a very small percentage of bullies belong to this group.
Crocodiles:
• have differently wired brains to normal people, affecting their social, emotional and cognitive functions
• are made, not born, and their cunning, aggressive tendencies can begin as early as two years of age
• are more difficult to change the older they become
• lack a conscience and empathy, and enjoy others’ pain
• have minimal insight into how others perceive them, e.g. a Queen Bee
• don’t know how to relate effectively, and have poor intimacy skills
• enjoy the challenge of bullying children who fight when attacked or retaliate, and
• may be cruel to animals (usually boys rather than girls).
2. Fowls that plays foul
There are many types of fowl – here are three examples:
• The peacock that struts his ego around the playground.
• The chicken that gradually pecks away at the weaker ones until it destroys them.
• The lyrebird that copies others and goes with the flow.
These bullies are basically non-malicious: they say things like, ‘We were just having a bit of fun’, ‘we didn’t mean to hurt’, or ‘If you can’t take it, leave the group’. They are your ordinary, everyday bullies, your children, cousins and neighbors as well as their current or former best friends. They:
• believe their actions are non-toxic
• may or may not have empathy for others’ feelings
• are bored, looking for action or entertainment (like reality television)
• have a strong need to compete, win or dominate others
• react to a perceived insult, dispute or broken friendship
• view bullying as a way to climb the status ladder (especially true of ex-targets). They say, ‘If you can’t beat them, join them’
• switch ‘on and off’ – sometimes friendly, sometimes not, and
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